I understand that a lot of people enjoy writing shipfics where they transplant characters into a college setting. Since some writers may not be in college, or may have graduated a long time ago, I thought I’d offer a helpful list of realistic college meet not-so-cute scenarios. Forget baristas. This is where it’s at.
– I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
– vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room
– my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
– it’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
– hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model
– hey I have to take someone’s blood pressure for class will you be my victim
– variations of the above
– I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity
– all our friends are drunk
– it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
– we’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
– humans vs zombies (see you can still have your zombie AU, best of both worlds)
– we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
– Neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
– This awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
– I found your USB drive still in the computer
– I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
– You keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
– We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
– We’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
– You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf
– Wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
– You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
– You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
– What are you doing at this table at the career fair
– Waiting for office hours
– I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
– Clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
– You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay.
– We started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
– You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
-my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
-we’re always at the fitness center at the same time and end up competing on the treadmill
– Sorry my roommate puked on your shoes
– Can I borrow a dryer sheet? I ran out and the ones in the vending machine give me a rash
-Your school mailbox is right next to mine
-I saw you sneaking captain crunch and cutlery out of the dining hall
-My roommate borrowed your contraband hotpot and managed to set it on fire
-You keep using my preferred shower stall in the floor bathrooms when I’m trying to get ready for class
-My computer crashed and you’re the student worker at the IT center
-we’re both on althetic teams that aren’t as cool as the football team and they give us shit
– You’re part of the guerrilla theater club on campus and crashed my class for a performance
-What do you mean we’re under a tornado warning?
-school food gave both of us food poisoning so we’re both in the student health center puking up our guts at the same time and man this sucks
-you took the last chocolate chip muffin that I get every morning
-I didn’t purchase the book we needed to read to write that paper and it’s 1:30AM the day it’s due and you’re the only person in class that I kind of talk to
-you keep locking yourself out of your room and I live across the hall and notice every time it happens
-I’m out of meal plan money and I know we don’t talk very often but please help me I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday
-we’re both out of meal plan money and keep showing up at the same events we have no interest in because there’s free food
-there’s an awesome guest speaker and we are the only two people on campus that actually know who this person is
-I was running late for class and not looking where I was going I am sO SORRY I ran into you with my bike!
-I’m the only one who saw you fall off your skateboard and I’m sorry if you’re really embarrassed but that was really funny and I can’t stop laughing
-my mom sends me these ridiculous over the top care packages please take some of these cookies I insist
-I’m keeping an illegal dog in my room and he escaped one night and you’re the one who found him
my grandparents have to lock their car doors when they go to sunday mass because people have been breaking in to unlocked cars and leaving entire piles of zucchini
i feel like i should’ve added more context when i posted this. my grandparents live in a rural area where farmers and casual gardeners alike are, at this point in the year, suddenly being hit with unexpectedly abundant zucchini crops. there aren’t just some random vandals leaving zucchinis in people’s cars for the hell of it, this is the work of some very exasperated, probably very elderly, folks who have more zucchini than they know what to do with
Yep. You can also expect to find a bag of zucchini on your porch.
My grandfather once found his neighbor stealing his tomatoes out of his garden at three in the morning. Red-handed, with a basket of the nearly-ripened ones. He thought he was going to find gophers or something, but no, here’s Henry, taking his tomatoes. The best ones.
There was a long pause between them.
My grandfather (allegedly) said, “Henry… it’s OK. You can take some tomatoes if you want them.”
Henry sighed in relief.
“But,” my grandfather said, “you have to take two zucchini for every tomato.”
There was another long silence. “That’s a harsh bargain, John,” said Henry. “But I accept. I’ll tell Joe up the street, too.”
My grandfather said, “Tell Joe he needs to take three.”
I want to write a fic where Lilo goes to college and her roommate is Boo from Monsters Inc. Boo is the first person to think Stitch is adorable and cuddly, and Lilo is the first person not to act like “Mike Wazowski” was a weird name for a goldfish. They get on like a house on fire which is kind of bad for Nani’s blood pressure.
But then one night they wake up in the middle of the night because something is in their closet. And the door starts to creak open so Stitch tackles whoever (whatever) is in there. They fall back into the closet, the door slams shut… and when Lilo runs over and opens it there’s nothing but an empty closet.
Then Boo tells Lilo all about this weird thing that happened to her when she was a kid, and how no one ever believed her but she knows it was real.
And cue Lilo and Boo busting into the Monster world to rescue Stitch and wreaking mad havoc in the process.
This is veryveryvery important. My wife was feeling down about herself the other night and asked me “why do I look like this?” And I immediately brought up a photo I had taken of a sculpture of Aphrodite I had taken at the Chicago MOMA. I said, “look at this picture. What does she look like?” And my wife very shyly answered “Me…” (Literally her body is IDENTICAL to the sculpture) so I replied “that is the Goddess Aphrodite. THAT is why your body looks like this.”
I very rarely reblog miscellaneous posts but there are some followers of mine who really need to see this.
Because Why Not? 